Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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