I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
