the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
