So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
