put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She even gives head with a lisp.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
