I hate your face
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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