rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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