Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
