I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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