Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
