Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
