The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
