Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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