Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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