Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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