sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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