Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
