i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
3 2 1 whiskey
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
