I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
