Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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