RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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