I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
