So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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