My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
