Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
