My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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