I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
