are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
