Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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