May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
