Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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