he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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