Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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