We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
