I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
