You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
