I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
