he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
