put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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