You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
