I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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