Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize