You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
