so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
