PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
