My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
