Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
