im drinking this country out of the recession.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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