I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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