This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
