Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
