cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
