I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
