Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
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